Me and my family
As a mother of five children, I have been active in several different organizations, groups and sports teams to create good social communities for the children. The family has been active in the blue man sports team and participated in four different football teams, in climbing groups, gymnastics groups, swimming groups and other leisure activities. I have been a member of the steering group Blåmann IL in various positions of both practical and theoretical tasks. I have also been a member of FAU, the parents' working committee, at the primary school for fourteen years, of which five years as leader. It takes a lot of parents to be there for our children, with the facilitation of good surroundings and a supportive upbringing environment. As head of FAU, it took extra time to be responsible and drive for many different projects and cases. I have been an active board member in various organizations for more than 25 years, where all the organizations have been linked to children, youth and health promotion measures.
In the autumn of 1996, the eldest son Aleksander was diagnosed with liver cancer, and a few days later we were introduced to SKB, the "support association for children with cancer". Today, the association is called the «Childhood Cancer Association» BKF. In 1998, I myself actively joined the board of the pediatric cancer association, and became a member who helped other families in the same situation we had been in. Although we were met in caring ways from the hospital during cancer treatment, the support schemes under the auspices of SKB were the most important the bright spots in our state of crisis. In the summer of 2002, I was the leader of the meaningful holiday project in Tromsø, where many families received the same replenishment as we had received a few years earlier. Social gatherings, academic content and social activities. SKB became an important part of our family for several years. I was an active board member and initiator of several projects and social communities. Such organizations and communities are invaluable in crisis situations, and the voluntary work that goes into this is extensive. I experience that the voluntary work in several ways is more complementary and supportive than the actual treatment offers that are under public auspices. SKB showed me on several levels, how an organization and a system can really contribute with invaluable support in families, with teamwork, generosity, inclusion and kindness. When people are pressured into extreme crises, we are often pushed into the most vulnerable part of us, where we often become very close and naked in our existence.
Alexander's choice to commit suicide led me to several different support groups and organizations. " LEVE" (National Association for Survivors after Suicide), " A child too small" and "Relatives in mental health" are three of the groups I am part of. When the family became part of " LEVE ", we experienced support and help from like-minded people the first year. Among other things, we participated in a family gathering that the Viken Center for Psychiatry and Mental Care conducts on behalf of LEVE. When I myself was to become part of the belonging county team in LEVE, this county was not active. I participated in a county team gathering, which brought together all the county teams in Norway. The collection was inspiring, and I met a whole bunch of committed and kind-hearted people who only had one goal in mind; to support and offer suicide survivors.
The organization " A child too small" has great generosity and inclusion, both at the system level and in the social community. The leader of the organization does a wonderful job, devoting a lot of time and generosity to this community. It has been very rewarding and supportive to be a member of this association, even though most of the activity is in the south of the country. I have participated in several mourning seminars under the auspices of A Child Too Little, and have thereby received replenishment both socially and professionally.
In the organization "Relatives in mental health", I have participated in board meetings and other user organizations, and have been a spokesperson for relatives and users. The stress and strain that relatives carry in their role as caregivers to the mentally ill is enormous. This aspect has been less recognized and included in the healthcare system. Relatives of the mentally ill, children with cancer, suicidal relatives and others live with incredible strain on body and soul. We see that most of the relatives of the sick are on disability benefits or have other support and social security schemes. This has a lot to do with the stress levels that prevail in families with illnesses. Often it is the sick person who receives attention and help, while we should include the entire close network around the patient. The families of those who have illnesses are under great strain, often for decades and perhaps for their entire lives. I think we need to look at health in a broader perspective because mental imbalance has a negative impact on many families and relatives.
After the family went into a serious crisis when Aleksander took his life in the summer of 2015, the Norwegian aid apparatus totally stabbed the family in the back. The family was then at its most vulnerable where we needed supportive measures and help. What we got from help were reports of concern to the child welfare service sent by the municipal psychologist. When the high professions send reports of concern to the child welfare service, it is reasonable to believe that there must be something about the caring ability of parents. The experiences from being a user of the Norwegian help system have given me profound and painful learnings. The jantel law, which characterizes different professions and systems, contributed to more strain and extreme stress for the family in our deep crisis after losing our child to suicide.
